Neopronouns and Xenogenders: A Guide to New Frontiers of Identity
Language is a living, breathing thing. Just as we’ve traded "thee" and "thou" for "you," or embraced tech-born words like "blog" and "app," our vocabulary for the human experience is constantly expanding. In recent years, you may have encountered terms such as ze/zir, faeself, or xenogender.
To the uninitiated, these can feel like a sudden "new frontier" of language. But at their heart, neopronouns and xenogenders aren't about making language more complicated; they are about making it more accurate. They provide a toolkit for individuals whose internal sense of self doesn't fit into the traditional "he," "she," or even the gender-neutral "they."
In this guide, we’ll explore what these identities mean, how they function, and how embracing them helps build a more inclusive, respectful world for everyone.
What are Neopronouns?
When we talk about neopronouns, we are talking about any set of third-person pronouns that are not officially recognised in the standard vocabulary of a language. The prefix "neo" literally means "new," though some of these sets have been around for decades or even centuries.
Why do people use Neopronouns?
For many non-binary and genderqueer individuals, the standard "he/him" or "she/her" feels like a mismatched suit. Even the singular "they/them," while incredibly helpful, can feel too broad or neutral for someone who experiences their gender as something distinct and specific. Neopronouns offer:
Precision: Finding a word that "clicks" with one's internal identity.
Autonomy: The power to define oneself rather than being defined by existing categories.
Euphoria: The positive emotional response of being addressed in a way that feels "right."
Common Examples of Neopronouns
While there are many variations, neopronouns generally fall into two categories:
1. Traditional Neopronouns (Themed after existing grammar)
Ze/Zir/Zirs: One of the most common sets. “Ze went to the park. I saw zir there.”
Ey/Em/Eir: Often called "Spivak" pronouns, these are similar to "they/them" but without the "th."
Xe/Xem/Xyr: A popular set used by those who want a completely gender-neutral option.
2. Noun-Self Pronouns
These are a bit newer and use existing nouns as pronouns to express a specific "vibe" or connection to a concept.
Fae/Faer/Faers: Often used by people who feel a connection to nature or the ethereal.
Bun/Bunself: Used by those who find comfort or identity-alignment with themes of gentleness or specific aesthetics.
Understanding Xenogenders: Identity Beyond the Binary
If pronouns are the tools we use to speak, xenogenders are the internal landscapes that determine which tools we pick up.
The term "xenogender" (derived from the Greek xeno, meaning "guest" or "stranger") refers to a category of non-binary identities that cannot be described through the traditional human lens of "masculinity" or "femininity." Instead of defining themselves in relation to "man" or "woman," people with xenogenders use metaphors, archetypes, and sensory experiences to describe their gender.
The Metaphor of the Internal Compass
To understand xenogenders, it helps to think of gender not as a point on a line between male and female, but as a vast, multi-dimensional space.
For most people, their gender feels like a "direction" (North or South). But for a person who identifies as xenogender, their "direction" might feel more like "the silence of a forest" or "the vastness of deep space." They aren't saying they are literally a tree or a planet; they are saying that those concepts provide the only accurate vocabulary for how their gender feels internally.
Common Categories of Xenogender
Because xenogender is an umbrella term, it contains a beautiful variety of specific identities:
Noun-gender: Identities tied to specific objects or concepts (e.g., Meteorogender, where one’s gender feels tied to the weather).
Aesthetigender: Identities derived from an aesthetic or sensory feeling (e.g., Cottagecoregender).
Neurogender: This is a vital intersection. Many neurodivergent people, particularly those on the autism spectrum, experience gender differently because they perceive social constructs through a unique lens. For them, a xenogender might be the only way to describe a sense of self that doesn't "map" onto neurotypical social standards.
Why Does Understanding Xenogenders Matter?
At first glance, these terms might seem like "internet subcultures," but they represent a significant shift in how we approach mental health and self-actualisation. When we allow people the room to define themselves using their own metaphors, we reduce gender dysphoria (the distress of being misaligned) and promote gender euphoria (the joy of being seen).
How to Be an Ally: Putting It Into Practice
Learning about these identities is the first step; using that knowledge is the second. If you meet someone who uses neopronouns or identifies as xenogender, here is how to navigate the conversation with grace:
Don’t Make It a Big Deal: If someone introduces themselves with "ze/zir" pronouns, say, "Thanks for letting me know!" and do your best to use them.
The "Check-In" Rule: If you aren't sure how to conjugate a specific neopronoun, it’s okay to ask: "I want to make sure I’m using your pronouns correctly. Could you give me an example sentence?"
The Mistake Protocol: You will probably slip up at first. When you do, don't launch into a long apology about how hard it is for you. Correct yourself and move on: "He—sorry, ze—is meeting us at five."
Practice in Private: Use the pronouns while talking to your pet or while driving alone. This builds the neurological pathways so that the "new" words become second nature.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
-
Language is defined by usage, not just rulebooks. Just as the singular "they" was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary after centuries of use, neopronouns follow the natural evolution of English. Grammatically, they function exactly like traditional pronouns; they simply require a bit of practice to master.
-
"Non-binary" is a broad umbrella for anyone who isn't strictly a man or a woman. "Xenogender" is a specific type of non-binary identity. Think of "non-binary" as the country and "xenogender" as a specific city within it.
-
Many autistic and neurodivergent individuals find that traditional social constructs—like gender—don't "fit" the way they process the world. Using metaphors or sensory descriptions (xenogenders) often feels more authentic to their lived experience than trying to conform to neurotypical gender roles.
-
You don't have to fully understand the internal mechanics of someone’s identity to respect it. Allyship isn't about having all the answers; it’s about acknowledging that someone knows themselves better than you do. Respecting a person's pronouns is a basic tenet of human kindness.
The Future of Belonging
As we move further into the 21st century, our "social map" is expanding. Neopronouns and xenogenders aren't just linguistic trends; they are signs of a world that is becoming more comfortable with complexity.
By embracing these new frontiers of identity, we aren't losing the "old" ways of being—we are simply making more room at the table. When we use someone’s correct pronouns, we aren't just following a rule; we are telling that person: "I see you, I respect you, and you belong here."
Language will continue to change, but the goal remains the same: to connect us, to validate us, and to help us understand the beautiful diversity of the human spirit.
Enjoyed this read?
Follow Enby Meaning for more. Subscribe, share, and check out a few posts that connect to this one ↓
