What’s in a Name? Renaming, Cultural Belonging, and Choosing Yourself
For many non-binary and transgender people, choosing a new name is a profoundly meaningful step in their journey. It’s an act of self-definition that can affirm one’s gender, culture, and sense of belonging all at once.
In this post, we’ll explore why names matter so much, how renaming ourselves can be empowering, the cultural dimensions of choosing a name, and even how to change your name in different countries legally.
The Power of a Name in Identity
Names hold incredible power; they’re among the first things people learn about us, and they often leave a lasting impression. A name roots us in family and culture, marking our place in a community or even a historical moment. However, the great majority of given names around the world are gendered, assigned based on the sex we’re presumed to be at birth. This means a name often comes loaded with cultural expectations of “femininity” or “masculinity” from day one.
If you’re transgender or non-binary, that can be a problem.
A birth name (often called a “deadname” in trans communities) might misgender you or just not fit who you truly are. Trans and non-binary folks frequently experience friction between the way they’re referred to and the way they feel inside. In these cases, renaming oneself isn’t just a whimsical change; it becomes a key part of affirming one’s true identity.
The act of choosing a name that aligns with your gender can be profoundly validating, giving you a name that “matches” the real you. In fact, researchers note that a chosen name can allow someone to perform their gender openly through that new name.
Using a chosen name isn’t just a matter of personal preference or comfort; it can have life-saving benefits.
Studies show that when trans youth can go by their preferred name in multiple areas of life (at home, school, work, with friends, etc.), their rates of depression and suicidal thoughts drop dramatically. Each additional context in which their name is respected corresponds to a significant decrease in depressive symptoms and suicide risk. Young people with supportive names saw fewer suicide attempts, and those who legally changed their names had better overall mental health and less harassment.
In short, having others honour your name is a powerful form of validation; it says, “I see you for who you are,” which boosts self-esteem and well-being. It’s no wonder the latest healthcare guidelines emphasise using people’s chosen names and pronouns as a fundamental aspect of inclusive, respectful care.
Renaming as Self-Definition and Empowerment
Choosing your own name is a profoundly empowering act; it’s you claiming your identity on your own terms. For many, adopting a new name feels like turning the page to a new chapter of life, or even like a fresh start and a homecoming all at once. The old name may be tied to a version of yourself that no longer exists (or never truly did), so choosing a new one can symbolise growth and self-realisation. It can signify a “new beginning”, a clean break from past roles or expectations or, conversely, it might be a way to reclaim continuity with who you’ve always been inside. In other words, some see renaming as a chance to reinvent themselves, while others see it as finally becoming their true selves, who have been there all along.
Interestingly, research on trans people’s name choices finds a common theme: it’s often a balance between change and continuity. Many people choose a name that resonates with their sense of self but still maintains some link to their past or family. Common strategies include honouring one’s heritage or relatives, choosing a variant of one’s birth name (e.g., a masculine or gender-neutral form of a formerly feminine name, or a nickname), or picking something practical, like a name that shares the same initials to make the paperwork easier. These approaches offer familiarity, a nod to where you came from, even as you forge a new identity.
For example, someone named “Daniel” at birth might become “Danica” to keep a connection to their family’s naming tradition, or someone might hold the first initial of their deadname for continuity. On the other hand, plenty of trans and non-binary folks feel no attachment to their old name and opt for a completely new moniker that represents who they truly are, sometimes describing this as finally finding a name that feels like “home” to them.
What’s important is that you have the agency to choose. This act of self-naming can be deeply healing. It’s not uncommon to hear trans people say that picking their name was one of the most affirming parts of transitioning. After all, our parents or guardians name us when we’re born, a name can feel like something given to you, but when you claim a chosen name, it’s a declaration: “This is me.” Little wonder that many describe the moment they started using their new name as life-changing. And while you don’t need a court order or legal certificate to start going by a new name (you can ask friends to use it and introduce yourself that way anytime), making it official can bring an extra layer of joy and relief.
For many, legally changing their name is a massive step in affirming their gender identity. It can even be symbolic, for example, changing one’s last name can represent a break from family rejection and a declaration of independence (think of it like “renaming myself is me starting my own legacy”). That sentiment speaks volumes about how liberating and self-affirming this process can be.
Names, Cultural Belonging, and Authenticity
Our names don’t just reflect gender; they often carry cultural stories as well. Think about your own name: it might reveal something about your ethnic background, your family’s religion, or the era when you were born.
For many people of colour and those from immigrant families, names are a complex topic. There’s a long history of pressure (and sometimes necessity) to adopt “easier” Western names to avoid prejudice. A Western-sounding name can act as a passport to belonging in predominantly English-speaking societies. In fact, immigrant parents often choose English names for their children, hoping to shield them from discrimination or help them fit in. Studies have shown that job applicants with non-Anglo or “ethnic” names get fewer callbacks compared to those with traditionally white names, even when their résumés are identical. This harsh reality drives some people to change their names to sound more “mainstream” in hopes of receiving fair treatment.
For example, someone named Giancarlo might go by John, or Xīnyuè might choose an English name like Emily. While such changes can be understandable as a strategy, they often come at a personal cost, a sense of losing a piece of one’s cultural identity or authenticity.
On the flip side, choosing your own name can be a powerful act of cultural reclamation.
For queer and trans folks from cultures where their birth names were influenced by colonialism or assimilation, renaming can be a chance to reconnect with heritage. You might choose a name from your ancestral language or culture that resonates with you.
A great example is writer Kai Cheng Thom, a Chinese-Canadian trans woman. She was raised primarily with an English name (“Ryan”) while her Chinese name “Kai Cheng”, was used only early in childhood. When she began her gender transition, she reclaimed her Chinese name and made it her chosen name. For her, exploring her trans identity went hand-in-hand with reconnecting to her roots – “They’re very much the same process… kind of like remembering who you are or what you would have chosen, had there not been these external pressures,” she says. In other words, both coming out as trans and embracing her Chinese name were about throwing off imposed labels and choosing herself in full, both gender-wise and culture-wise.
Cultural belonging can influence name choices in other ways as well. Some people pick names to honour their ancestors or family members, keeping a sense of familial continuity. Others might deliberately choose a name that reflects their race/ethnicity with pride, even if their parents avoided it. And within queer communities, there’s a rich tradition of creative naming.
Drag performers, for instance, adopt flamboyant stage names to play with identity. Non-binary and gender-nonconforming folks sometimes name themselves after nature, mythological figures, or even objects, anything that isn’t tied to traditional gendered naming conventions. It’s not unheard of to meet enbies named after stars, animals, or concepts – the sky’s the limit! This trend of naming oneself after a thing – like “Forest,” “Sky,” or “Echo” – can be a conscious way to avoid the gendered baggage many human names carry. It’s a way of saying one’s identity is beyond the binary, using a name that doesn’t immediately signal “boy” or “girl.”
There’s also a tendency for some LGBTQ+ folks to choose names that reference queer icons or literature. For example, the name “Dorian” might be selected for its nod to Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Grey and other queer-cultural touchstones, or someone might pick a name from a favourite queer character in media. All of these choices show how naming can be an act of aligning yourself with a community and a history. Queer and trans people often create our own lineage through chosen names, connecting ourselves to those who came before and those who inspire us.
The key takeaway: there’s no single “right” way to pick a name. It’s a highly personal decision at the intersection of gender, culture, and individual taste. What matters is that your chosen name feels authentic to you. It might take time to find the perfect one; some try out a few different names (like test-driving options with friends or online) before one sticks. But when it clicks, you’ll know. It’s the name that feels like you, the one that feels like it was yours all along.
How to Legally Change Your Name (USA, UK, NZ and More)
Changing your name socially (with friends, work, online, etc.) is one thing; changing it legally is another.
Legal recognition means your new name appears on official documents like your passport, ID, bank accounts, and academic records. This can be incredibly affirming and also practical, so you’re not constantly explaining differing names. The process, however, differs from country to country.
Below is a quick overview of how to legally change your name in a few places, along with tips on whether or not to do it.
United States
It’s possible to change your name in every U.S. state, but in most cases, it requires a court process.
Generally, you file a petition with your local court (usually the county court), pay a filing fee, and a judge will review and approve the change. Specific steps and requirements vary by state: for example, some states mandate that you publish a notice of your intended name change in a newspaper (to make sure you’re not changing it to evade debts, etc.), whereas others have dropped that requirement, especially for transgender applicants.
You might also need to undergo a background check or provide fingerprints in certain jurisdictions.
The process can be tedious and bureaucratic; it requires filling out forms, possibly making a court appearance, and it can cost anywhere from $50 to $500+, depending on court fees. Many people do it without a lawyer, and there are trans legal clinics and online guides to help. Once you have a signed court order granting your new name, that document becomes the key to updating everything else. You’ll typically want to update your Social Security record, driver’s license, passport, bank accounts, birth certificate, and any other important records.
Note: after a U.S. name change, update your Social Security and passport first; those make other changes easier since they’re primary IDs. The U.S. process can feel daunting, as it takes time, money, and emotional energy, especially if you’ve been using your chosen name socially for years and dread dealing with the old name in paperwork. But for many, the result is well worth it: having that court order and new IDs in hand is a huge relief and milestone in one’s transition.
Aotearoa New Zealand
NZ has a more straightforward process handled through the Department of Internal Affairs (specifically, the Births, Deaths and Marriages office).
If you’re 18 or older and a NZ citizen or permanent resident, you can apply to change your name by filling out a form – no court hearing needed. You’ll need to submit a witnessed statutory declaration and some identity documents, and pay a fee (currently around NZ$170). Once approved, your name change is registered, and you can get a Name Change Certificate as proof. That certificate lets you update your passport, bank, etc. NZ imposes only a few common-sense restrictions on new names (for example, the new name can’t be offensive, unreasonably long, or include official titles or symbols).
Crucially, there’s no requirement that your name has to “match” your gender; you can choose any name you like, regardless of your gender marker, as long as it fits the basic rules. NZ even allows people to apply to change the sex/gender marker on their birth certificate, and this can be done at the same time as a name change if desired (the processes are separate but use a combined form).
If you were born overseas, you can still change your name in NZ as long as you’re a citizen or have indefinite residency status.
Note: if you change your name in NZ and then travel or move abroad, other countries will generally respect it (a NZ name change certificate is usually accepted as proof), but it’s a good idea to update your passport right away.
United Kingdom
The UK approach to name changes is unique in that it doesn’t necessarily involve going to court.
Under British law (England and Wales), you can legally change your name simply by using it; the law recognises usage, meaning if you start calling yourself a new name and consistently go by it, that is your legal name. In practice, though, you’ll need documentation to show to banks, etc.
The most common method is through a Deed Poll. A deed poll is a legal document in which you declare that you are abandoning your old name and adopting a new name from a certain date. You can make one with a solicitor or even do it yourself; there are online services that help draft it. You then sign it in the presence of a witness. There’s an option to enrol (register) your deed poll with the Royal Courts of Justice, but it’s not mandatory; an “unenrolled” deed poll is still valid. Many institutions, like the passport office and DVLA (driver’s licensing), will accept an original deed poll as proof of your name change.
In Scotland, the process is slightly different (they often use a Statutory Declaration for name change, or you can record a change with the National Records of Scotland).
Either way, you typically do not need a judge’s approval in the UK; it’s an administrative change. Official guidance in the UK emphasises that a person’s legal name can be changed at will, and there’s no central registry of name changes in England/Wales.
That said, because trans and non-binary people often need to show proof to get organisations to update records, obtaining a deed poll or statutory declaration is practically a must. Once you have that, you can update all your documents (passport, bank statements, NHS, National Insurance, etc.).
The UK also has no restrictions on changing to a “gendered” name, regardless of your gender – for instance, a woman can change her name to “John” if she wants and vice versa. The only restrictions are similar to NZ: you can’t choose a name with the intent to defraud, or a ridiculous/offensive name, and certain words like “Sir, Lady, Prince/Princess” that imply titles might be rejected on official IDs.
Canada
Name changes in Canada are managed at the provincial level, and the process is more similar to NZ (administrative) than the U.S.
In Canada, you apply to the Vital Statistics office in your province or territory. Typically, you must have lived in that province for a certain period (e.g. 3+ months) to be eligible. You fill out an application, provide documents and often a criminal record check (to ensure you’re not doing it for fraudulent reasons), and pay a fee. Some provinces require fingerprints for a name change (to update police records).
Once approved, they issue a legal change of name certificate, and your new name is officially recognised. You then update your documents at the federal and provincial levels. Each province has slightly different rules.
For example, Quebec has stricter requirements and generally allows name changes only for serious reasons.
One thing to keep in mind is that if you’re not a citizen, you might be limited in changing your name (e.g. some places only allow it if you have citizenship or permanent residency). Always check local regulations.
Australia
Name changes in Australia are managed at the state level, and the process is similar to NZ.
In Australia, each state/territory’s Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages manages name changes. If you’re born in that state or are a resident there, you can apply. Similar deal: fill form, show ID, possibly publish a notice (in some states), pay a fee (~AUD$100-$200). They’ll issue a Change of Name certificate.
Australia also has some restrictions (can’t choose an obscene or official title as a name, etc.).
One thing to keep in mind is that if you’re not a citizen, you might be limited in changing your name (e.g. some places only allow it if you have citizenship or permanent residency). Always check local regulations.
Important: In any country, once you’ve legally changed your name, make sure to update all your records. It can be a bit of a marathon: passport, driver’s license, bank accounts, tax office, insurance, university diplomas, email accounts, basically everywhere your old name was recorded.
Many trans people joke that the real hard work of a name change is all the hours spent on hold with various agencies to update information! It helps to make a checklist.
Also, keep proof of your name change (like multiple certified copies of your court order or certificate). You’ll often need to show that document when changing records.
Why (and why not) do a legal name change?
For most, the big why is simple: consistency and safety.
When your ID matches the name you go by, life gets a lot smoother. You don’t have to out yourself every time you show your driver’s license or explain to your bank that “Actually, I go by a different name.” It helps you avoid unwanted questions, bureaucratic hiccups, and the risk of being deadnamed in public situations.
Travel is much less stressful when your passport bears the correct name.
In settings like jobs or school, having the correct name on official rosters protects you from being accidentally outed.
And psychologically, there’s a relief in knowing that you are officially recognised as you.
In fact, having identification that aligns with one’s gender and name has been linked to better mental health outcomes and reduced discrimination for trans folks.
However, not everyone is ready or able to do a legal name change, and that’s okay, too. Some reasons people hold off or choose not to pursue it immediately include:
Cost or bureaucracy
Filing fees, notarisation, and obtaining new documents cost money. The process can also be time-consuming or daunting, especially if you’re not familiar with legal paperwork. This can be a barrier for many (name changes can require significant financial and emotional resources).
Privacy concerns
In some places (such as some U.S. states), the name change record may be public or require publication in a newspaper. If you’re not entirely out as trans/NB everywhere, you might fear that this could expose you. Some trans folks delay legal changes until they feel safer or until they’ve moved to a more accepting area.
Note: Some jurisdictions will waive the publication requirement or seal the records for transgender petitioners to protect privacy – worth researching if this is a concern in your area.
Not being “out” to family or others.
If your family or workplace doesn’t know you’re trans/non-binary and you’re not ready to tell them, a legal name change can be tricky because eventually they might notice (especially family, if you share insurance or other things). Everyone’s situation is different – it might be safer to wait until coming out, or you might decide to go ahead anyway because your peace of mind is more important.
Uncertainty about name choice
Some people take a while to settle on the name that feels right. And occasionally, folks might shift names again later. If you’re not 100% sure, you might use a chosen name informally for a year or two first. There’s no rush to cement it legally until you’re confident.
Legal obstacles for minors
If you’re under 18, changing your name typically requires parental consent in many countries. That can be a non-starter if your parents aren’t supportive. In such cases, many trans youth wait until 18 to do it on their own (or seek judicial bypass in some regions).
In short, don’t feel pressured to rush into the legal process if the timing isn’t right. You have every right to be addressed by the name you choose, whether or not it’s printed on your documents yet. Many non-binary people navigate a mix of identities (legal vs. preferred name) for a while.
Do what’s best for your well-being and safety. And remember, a legal change is always an option down the line; there’s no deadline on when you can do it.
If you are pursuing a legal name change, consider whether you also want to update your gender marker (the “M” / “F” / “X” on IDs, where available). The processes are usually separate, but some places let you handle both together to save effort.
For example, you might change your name and legally declare a non-binary gender at the same time if your jurisdiction allows an “X” or similar. This is a personal choice, and some folks choose to change their name but not their gender marker for any number of reasons (or vice versa). Just know that both options exist as ways to have your legal identity reflect your lived identity.
We’ve covered gender marker changes in another guide, so check that out if you’re curious about the details and the pros/cons of making that change too.
Embracing Your Chosen Name
Ultimately, what’s in a name? In this context, quite a lot.
For trans and non-binary people, a name isn’t just a word; it’s an embodiment of self.
It can carry the weight of what we’ve left behind and the promise of who we’re becoming.
It can honour our culture or family, or strike out in an entirely new direction.
Most importantly, it’s ours.
Embracing your chosen name can be a liberating and joyful experience. It might feel a bit unusual at first, hearing others use it, or introducing yourself with a name you weren’t raised with, but over time, it usually clicks and starts to feel natural. You may even come to wonder how you ever went by anything else.
Every time someone respects your name, it’s a small affirmation: they see you, they respect you, you belong. The euphoria that can come from finally being called the correct name is absolute. Many of us have felt that warm glow when a barista calls out our chosen name on a coffee cup, or when we see our new name on a diploma or ID for the first time. It’s like the external world catching up to the truth we’ve held inside. And as studies have shown, the simple act of using someone’s chosen name can literally be lifesaving, especially for youth.
If you’re in the process of choosing a name (or recently chose one), give yourself credit; it’s a brave and decisive step. Take your time and try not to stress if everyone in your life doesn’t adapt overnight. Sometimes people slip up out of habit, but consistent correct use will come with time (and if someone consistently refuses to use your name, that’s another issue; it might indicate a lack of respect that you’ll need to address or set boundaries on). Connect with others who’ve gone through it. Most trans/enby forums or support groups have tons of advice on everything from testing out names to handling documents.
Your name is yours, and you have the right to change it, cherish it, and have others respect it. Whether you keep your birth name, modify it, or replace it entirely, that choice is an expression of your autonomy and identity.
In a world that often tries to label us without listening, choosing our own name is a way of saying, “I know who I am, and I’ll tell you who I am.” There’s tremendous power in that. So wear your name with pride – it’s one of a kind, just like you.
Enjoyed this read?
Follow Enby Meaning for more. Subscribe, share, and check out a few posts that connect to this one ↓
